BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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