wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
