There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
