also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
