You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
