If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
