i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize