One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
that may or may not have been my penis.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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