i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
