I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
