Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
