Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize