You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
