Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
