He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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