You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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