I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
