My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
