dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
