i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
