Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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