just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize