I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
