That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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