I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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