I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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