I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
