i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize