You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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