Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
