Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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