my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Quick, to the slutcave!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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