Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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