New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
