I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
bring money and cleavage
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
