Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
