had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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