There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
