I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
