"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
