Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This is classic penis vs brain.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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