So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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