I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
