dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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