We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
