i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
