Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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