My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
