My room smells like vodka and shame
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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