dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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