God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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