The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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