I think I won the penis lottery.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
All the doctor said was why
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize