If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
