You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
