Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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