I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
