You smell like stripper and shame
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
