If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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