my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
