I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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