So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pants are for mortals
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
