Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
