I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
