i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize