I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
