Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
50% drunk capacity currently
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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