Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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