I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You are a genius and a whore.
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