I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
