Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
