For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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