ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
