No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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