Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All I want is dick and wine.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
