Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
