I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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