he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
