all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
