is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
