I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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