Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
