And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
