youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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