drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
