Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
