I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
