sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
