awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
