just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
