Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize