Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
