yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
