It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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