it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
