And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
