But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
