forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
