did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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