haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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