so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
