I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
