the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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