Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
