Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
