eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need moral support for this bender
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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