she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
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