Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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