Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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